


Time will tell, this goose served you well

by VenueWings



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC Extended Universe, DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), DCU, Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Soulmate Goose of Enforcement, Angry Birds, Attempt at Humor, Birds, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, First Kiss, Geese are jerks, Light Angst, M/M, POV Oliver Queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:07:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27600464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenueWings/pseuds/VenueWings
Summary: “One moment things were quiet, the next, Oliver opened the door and was promptly smacked in the face by the wings of an avian devil. Opening the door badly startled the creature, who immediately started shrieking and honking and flapping its wings.”Soulmate AU where one person finds a goose who leads them to the other person. The difficulty comes in not being mauled by said goose.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Kara Danvers, Barry Allen/Kara Danvers/Oliver Queen, Barry Allen/Oliver Queen, Kara Danvers/Oliver Queen, Oliver Queen/Kara Zor-El
Comments: 11
Kudos: 60





	Time will tell, this goose served you well

**Author's Note:**

> Very late to the party, but this story was inspired by this post: https://mad-madam-m.tumblr.com/post/176225721053/image-description-tags-reading-alternate

It took a special type of tenacity to live in Star City. The city was rift with crime and corruption, and in recent years had faced multiple terrorist attacks. The proximity to Central City meant they had their share of what many classified as Sci-Fi problems, and HIVE proved neither the first nor last to get supernatural elements involved. 

All this was to say, whatever the problem, Oliver usually had someone to fight to solve the problem. He could not fight an animal. 

He could hunt, the island taught him that, but he couldn’t exactly fight wildlife. 

And geese, as many would tell you, was Mother Nature’s special way of getting around the label of hell hounds. 

Oliver wasn’t sure how one got into his home. One moment things were quiet, the next, Oliver opened the door and was promptly smacked in the face by the wings of an avian devil. Opening the door badly startled the creature, who immediately started shrieking and honking and flapping its wings. 

It was pandemonium. Oliver’s body was trained in fighting and quick responses, yet all his instincts meant nothing against the bird. There were feathers everywhere and the racket was such that John and Thea came running in, both holding their preferred weapons. This did not impressed the bird, when the newcomers got in front of Oliver the response was a lowered head and an aggressive charge. Oliver ended up tripping over upturned furniture as he tried to stop this. 

“How did it get in?!” 

“Open the windows!” 

Pictures were crashing down the walls, shredded and ripped paper was everywhere, the floor was a mess, and people kept falling over the smashed furniture. Thea managed to pry open the windows while John and Oliver each managed to grab a towel and one of the trashed curtains to coordinate a tackle. 

If possible this only made the bird angrier, and while the wings gave John plenty of new bruises it was nothing compared to the pecking and mauling it focused exclusively on Oliver. It was like the thing still held a grudge, and in all the chaos both men simply threw their bundle out the window. 

They had forgotten a wrapped goose cannot fly. It smacked into the outside shrubbery and flattened some more flowers before the goose emerged, unharmed and angrier than ever. The three humans had shut the windows and was peering out cautiously, which was how they witnessed when the bird flew forward and seemingly _glowed_ before it bypassed the wall and was back in the room with them. 

“What the...” 

And then the previous chaos resumed. The goose was a one-bird army and a destructive force of nature. Oliver was the first to make the call, he fled, and the demon followed. Thea and John were briefly granted peace, both quietly thanked Oliver for his brave sacrifice before moving onto more relevant matters. 

“You saw that, right?” 

“That’s not a normal bird.”

“You have Constantine’s number?” 

Constantine did not pick up, so they tried Gideon, who promised to pass the message on the next time Constantine was around. Thinking of how long that might leave Oliver at the mercy of the creature, they asked how long that might be, then they remembered the stories the Legends may or may not be lying about and simply asked for one of the available team members. 

“John!” Ray Palmer was always delighted to talk to an old friend. “Sorry about Constantine being away, he’s one of the few capable of chasing after our latest problem. The rest of us are still recovering, Canada geese are aggressive enough without the whole supernatural thing being thrown in, but you didn’t call about that, how may we help?” 

“Canada geese?” John was starting to get a very bad feeling about this. “They don’t happen to glow and pass through walls, do they?” 

“Not normal ones,” Ray was quick to pick up the implication. “You saw one! You don’t sound out of breath, was it chasing someone you know?” 

“My brother, if you can call that chasing. The goose was practically attacking him!” 

“Thea? Wait, Oliver Queen got a Goose of Enforcement?” There was a muffled sound, but it didn’t sound like Ray. “Nate, stop laughing, those birds were terrifying.” 

After his experience earlier, John agreed. “Whatever it is, how can we get rid of it?” 

“The good news is that contrary to what it looks like, the Goose of Enforcement is not trying to kill Oliver Queen.” Nate Heywood had apparently joined in the conversation. “If the witch who Constantine and Sara are chasing was telling the truth, the goose will lead a person to a soulmate.” 

Thea blinked, “That doesn’t sound so bad.” 

“The difficulty comes in not being mauled by said goose.” Nate continued cheerfully, “These Canada geese are a honking menace that are hell bent on leading someone to a potential soulmate. The goose will keep mauling Oliver until he finds and kisses his soulmate. If he doesn’t, expect that demon bird to chase him for days, we’ve already seen that happen.” 

A goose pecking at Oliver for days would be a nightmare, and with the Legends either recovering or trying to stop other geese (“They’ve spread across the time stream! They’re everywhere!”) the fastest way to get rid of it was for Oliver to find and kiss his soulmate. 

Outside, Oliver made a few attempts to scare the bird away but was ultimately forced to retreat and continuing retreating. There was no point trying to escape inside buildings, so he was forced to run. Strangers openly stared at the disaster, a few tried to help and call out advice but nothing was working. Oliver eventually deduced between the hissing and biting that the goose seemed to be herding him somewhere. He wondered if it was a trap, but trying to resist at this point was futile, so he allowed himself to be chased down several more streets just trying to dodge the wings and wicked beak before...

“Oliver?” 

This was not happening. 

The goose finally stopped acting like it had absorbed all the negative energy of its namesake. Crazy flapping wings folded harmlessly back, and webbed feet calmly stepped forward towards a street bench. Seated there was Barry Allen, with Kara Danvers by his side. 

Oliver felt his heart clench, even as he told himself there was no reason for it. There had been a time, when Barry had looked at him with obvious awe and even more obvious affection. Oliver, so used to studying the body language of the people around him, recognized when a little hero-worship became too much like a crush. He wouldn’t deny being a little flattered, but he had not wanted any romantic entanglements. Nothing needed to be said, Oliver acted a little colder, a little more distant, and Barry had wisely backed off. Wiser still, was when after a few more team ups, Oliver saw the similar way Barry started looking at Kara’s direction. Oliver could understand, he won’t deny his own eyes lingered a little longer on her, and that he had to fight from returning her easy smiles. Oliver was happy when they got together, even as a part of him felt like he was losing them. 

And now they were both staring at him, probably on a date when he crashed in bruised and battered like another night as the vigilante. Just as Oliver considered how he could explain this away, his phone rang. Relieved, he quickly answered, “John?” 

“With your sister,” John said. 

“We have an update about your goose,” when Oliver didn’t interrupt, Thea launched into a summary of what they had learned. Oliver grew still and silent as she finished. “So? Has the Goose of Enforcement stopped attacking you in front of anyone? Hopefully someone you already know?” 

“Two, actually.” Oliver glanced back up at the city visitors. Since he was on the phone, Barry and Kara had opted to give him some privacy and not approach, but they were definitely glancing between him and the now calm goose. 

“Oh,” Thea could pick up his hesitation, “I guess we should let you go, call us if you need?” 

“Of course,” Oliver hung up. No time like the present, keeping an eye on the goose in case it decided to continue chasing him pass the bench occupants, he approached. 

“Are you alright?” Barry was already getting to his feet. “What happened?” 

“Is that a Goose of Enforcement?” Kara looked surprised at the twin looks of disbelief she was receiving. “Are they not on this earth? They’re not exactly common on mine but everyone knows about the goose that chases you to a potential soulmate. Legend claims that a witch was matched to her soulmate by a small bird, but there was a terrible war so she sent it away. The bird only appears once to someone, and she lost her chance forever. It was her greatest regret on her deathbed and so she sacrificed her magic to enforce the timid bird, unfortunately her magic was no longer in her control and so the bird became the Goose of Enforcement, one of the most persistent creatures there ever was. They’re said to appear only to those just as stubborn and needing help on the soulmate front, but again, they only appear once. After the soulmates’ first kiss, even if they fight or one of them dies, the goose will never reappear.” 

“I was just told to kiss whoever I was led to,” Oliver’s words were soft. Kara looked between the two men. 

“It led you to Barry,” she finished. 

“No,” Barry’s voice grew raw, “It can’t be. We had our chance, we knew each other first and longer but nothing happened. Kara, I swear I’ve meant every word I’ve ever said and promised you...” 

“Who am I to get between soulmates? Krypton never had them, they were just stories,” Kara smiled, but it was bittersweet. “Oliver Queen is exactly the type to keep his feelings away, especially if he thought it would make his loved ones happy.” 

She was right, because right now Oliver had never hated himself more. Barry and Kara were a happy couple, a new couple, and now because of him they were losing each other. Kara was even worried about his health, Oliver would have preferred her angrily blaming him for destroying her relationship. 

The goose chose that moment to honk, as if irritated they were taking so long. Oliver gave it a murderous look, this was all its fault. 

“Go on, Barry. If you don’t kiss, the goose will keep its assault and Oliver will never recover.” 

“This doesn’t have to mean anything,” Oliver tried. “I know...” 

“What?” Barry asked when Oliver quieted, but his tone was one who already knew. 

“I’m not saying anything that could compromise you.” But all three of them heard what Oliver wasn’t saying. Desperate for this to be over with, Oliver grabbed Barry and pulled him into a kiss. 

He had meant to do it quickly, did not want to cause the others more grief, but as soon as Barry’s lips met his a spark ignited. Oliver felt it like a crackle of Barry’s speed lightning, felt it shoot down from his lips to the rest of his body. It was different from the kisses Oliver had exchanged with his many partners, and he realized he wanted this. He wanted these kisses, he wanted Barry, and judging by the way Barry was responding surely the feelings were not completely one-sided. 

“Ow!” 

Oliver felt the familiar bite of a serrated beak at his ankles, to his surprise the goose was doing the same to Barry. They both looked up to see Kara leaving, but at their cries she froze. 

“I thought you both needed some time alone.” 

Barry jumped back, and the goose redirected its fiery attention to Oliver. “I guess it wasn’t me?” 

“But...” the kiss was everything and more that Oliver could have hoped for. The goose was still there, still attacking him. Oliver raised his eyes to meet Kara’s, who had adopted a deer-in-headlights look. “Kara,” he said pleasantly, “start running.” 

Kara turned and ran. 

The goose went berserk, it was like when Oliver had first found it in his home. Only unlike with John and Thea, Barry wasn’t just collateral damage, he was actively being attacked too. Barry tried to stop it, but despite the yellow sparks indicating super speed the goose seemed to threaten him into submission. Neither vigilantes nor meta humans seemed to scare it. 

Oliver grabbed Barry before he could run off in another direction, instead leading the other towards where Kara had fled to. The goose was definitely herding them to her direction, and she hadn’t gone far. Oliver felt some relief, Kara could have flown or gone back to her planet and who knows what would have happened then. The goose was jabbing viciously at the two men until they caught up, once in Kara’s presence, it calmed down and started grooming Barry’s hair. 

“You two were glowing!” She protested, “There’s no way it’s meant for me when your kiss caused the goose and Oliver to glow!” 

“You were glowing?” Barry sounded vaguely amused. 

“Your eyes were clearly closed,” Oliver countered. Barry’s face blushed red, but he shrugged. 

“The goose is still here, and it attacked you when Kara tried to leave.” 

“It was attacking you too,” Oliver looked back at Kara, “Do these geese set up parties of three?” 

“Not that I’ve ever heard,” Kara eyed the goose. “Maybe it’s different in this world.” 

Well aware that Barry and the Goose of Enforcement were watching, and that he had caused her enough pain already, Oliver took his next steps forward cautiously. Kara didn’t pull away, but she accepted Oliver’s touch like she was expecting it to turn violent. The archer gently tilted her face up, reading the unease in her eyes. Supergirl could easily kill him, Kara had genuinely liked him, there was no reason for her to look at him with fear. Unlike with Barry, Oliver took his time, kissing her lips gently. 

The gentleness did not stop Oliver from feeling a spark both similar and different from Barry’s kiss. Just as intense, with the sharper undercurrent of brisk cold instead of Barry’s warm ozone. Kara sighed, finally relaxing in Oliver’s hold even as she pulled back. Oliver resisted the urge to keep her. 

“Now that I know I’m not ruining your moment: Wow, you did glow.” Barry let out a satisfied hum. 

“HONK!!”

“What the...” The goose was still there, Oliver was going to wring its neck. It’s about time he practiced hunting for his dinner again. 

Kara burst out laughing, “Oliver, just how many people should I expect to see you kiss?” 

Barry chuckled, “You’ll think the bird would feel some distant kinship with another flyer, or maybe it is; Kara, may I?” He held out a hand, and when Kara took it, did a little spin as if taking her for a dance. Kara giggled, and under Oliver’s indulgent gaze, she and Barry exchanged a quick kiss. 

The Goose of Enforcement preened, looking very proud, before it briefly glowed and vanished. 

The three of them would never see the goose again. The sight of Canada geese will bring back memories, and a healthy dose of caution when it came to those birds. According to Sara, Oliver's story was technically one of the first Goose of Enforcement stories because they were from the first batch the witch created. Oliver had no idea what she was talking about, the stories may not common, but they had always been there.

**Author's Note:**

> After spending months trying to figure out a way to write this OT3, rewriting AUs ranging from time travel to slayers, this crack prompt was what got me to write 2000+ words in one setting.


End file.
